Love Was the Lie She Lived In

Over the years, I’ve had conversations with women—some brief, some deep, some whispered through tears or laughter masking regret. Different names, different faces, same backstory.

Choices they thought were their own.

Decisions they stood on like they were solid ground,

only to later realize they were never really standing at all.

They weren’t thinking for themselves.

They weren’t thinking of themselves.

They were thinking about how to be chosen.

How to be kept.

How to be enough.

And it happens so often—too often—that I’ve decided to create a list.

Not of opinions.

Not of debates.

Just facts.

Undeniable.

Undebatable.

Uncomfortable.

Because the more I hear these stories replayed like a broken record with different singers, the more I realize:

- There is comfort in the lies we tell ourselves to feel love.

Because the truth?

It doesn’t feel good at all.

Many women

•  Dropped out of college for a man who let them.
•  Tried to love a man into loving her back.
•  Have been in controlling relationships.
•  Are in relationships by circumstance, not choice.
•  Are married by pressure, not patience.
•  Have children by a man who didn’t want a family.
•  Gave up their dreams to support his.
•  Stayed because he needed her.
•  Accepted less because starting over felt harder.
•  Dimmed their light so he could shine.
•  Saw the red flags and stayed anyway.
•  Learned how to endure, not enjoy, love.
•  Stayed loyal to a man who wasn’t loyal to himself.
•  Were told they were too emotional for expressing pain.
•  Begged for basic effort and called it compromise.
•  Stayed because leaving felt like failure.
•  Mistook chaos for chemistry.
•  Carry shame for staying too long.
•  Still wonder if it was their fault.
•  Believed his potential was a promise.
•  Lost friends trying to protect the relationship.
• Apologized for asking to be treated well.
•  Stayed quiet to avoid another argument.
•  Changed everything about themselves to be loved.
• Convinced themselves it was “just a rough patch.”
• Felt lonelier inside the relationship than outside of it.
• Took the blame to keep the peace.
• Called survival love.
• Gave second chances to someone who wasn’t sorry.
• Held on to hope longer than she held on to herself.
• Felt safer walking on eggshells than walking away.
• Settled for being chosen when they wanted to be cherished.
• Are with men who really don’t like them.

Closing Note

There is no secret to a successful relationship.

No formula. No fairytale. No one-size-fits-all blueprint.

What I’ve learned—really learning—about being in love

is that the truth of it is uncomfortable.

Unflattering. Exposing.

It strips you down.

But once you face it—once you stop performing and start being—

that truth becomes freeing.

And in that freedom,

you find a version of love that feels like a safe space,

not a survival tactic.

The goal was never just to be loved.

It was to be seen.

To be safe.

To be you—without worry.